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Are you finding it nearly impossible to get through to your teen?

It’s tough to reach your teen … when he’s got his headphones on all the time and all you get back is a grunt or a one-word answer.  But don’t allow those obstacles to deter you.  This is no time to back off!

Find a way to engage your teen with funny stories from your past.  Let them share in the humor of some of your dumb mistakes.  Make sure they’ve heard about your family history … and the reason you turned out like you have.  These unfiltered moments will produce esteem, stability and a sense of purpose.

Mom.  Dad.  Quit lecturing and tell some good ol’ stories!

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When your child’s report card comes home … are you pleased?  Or deflated?

Mom and Dad … how do you respond when you’re expecting A’s … and your kid brings home D’s?  Well, when the day comes … keep these principles in mind.

First, never step in to rescue your child!  Doing their homework reinforces their failure.

Second, if you notice a drastic and sudden decline in grades … look for a deeper cause.  There may be something wrong … such as depression or drug abuse.

And finally, if grades drop … don’t over-react by punishing poor performance.  Your child’s value surpasses a report card!  Stay on their team … and be the Mom and Dad they desperately need!

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So … when and where does your teen open up … and talk?

Just as you and I are more comfortable in certain settings … our kids also let down their guard where they feel safe.  Have you figured out where they like to hang out?

Parents, notice the times and locations that your teen is unplugged and willing to talk.  And then, seek out that venue for future conversations.

Become a student of your teen’s preferences.  A cup of coffee?  A favorite spot in town they like?  Maybe they open up late at night.

Mom.  Dad.  Pay attention!  A little effort on your part can go a long way to building a deep, long-lasting relationship with your child.

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Is your son self- motivated?  Does your daughter take her education seriously?

Getting your child to complete his homework or attend all his classes might be like pulling teeth.  It’s frustrating.  Most likely, you’re tired of pushing him to perform better… and he’s digging his heels in because he feels manipulated.

My advice is to make a serious evaluation of your own expectations for your child.  Are you projecting your own desires on your son or daughter.  Hey … hand the outcome of their education over to them!

No doubt …you’ll run into bumps in the road.  And you won’t always see the grades you’d like.  But over time your child will learn to self- manage… to set goals… and achieve them!

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Think about the last time you opened your son or daughter’s report card.  Do you remember how you responded to their academic performance?

Whether you saw straight A’s… C’s, D’s or F’s… you had a choice in that moment about how to value your teen.  See, grades are important.  But we can’t forget that marks don’t determine a child’s value.  Their worth is not measured by their GPA.  And while it’s important to do well… it shouldn’t overshadow our relationship.

My challenge to you is to look at the next report card… take a deep breath… then encourage your child in whatever way possible.  Help ‘em work hard at school… but be sure they know that you’ll love them no matter what … whether A’s or F’s… or anything in between.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Most parents never expect their teens to get involved with drugs.  But with growing trends of drug use, moms and dads are caught off guard.  Mark Gregston helps parents recognize the signs of drug use on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

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Peer pressure.  It’s a natural part of life.  We face it… and our kids face it, too.

The desire to fit in with others isn’t relegated to a certain age bracket.  And it can be a positive thing… especially when you’re surrounded by people who want to do the right thing.

But as mom and dads know so well… peer pressure can push our kids to do stuff they’d never do otherwise.  When our teens surround themselves with friends of questionable character… their convictions get compromised.  It’s not a conscious choice to disregard your values and priorities… they just desperately want to fit in.

As a mom or dad, you need to understand the nature of the battle.  Work to establish a solid relationship with your teen.  Help them find their way …in a world that’s working against them!

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One of the most powerful influences on young people today is their need to belong… to fit in and to be accepted by their peers.

Research shows that the need to belong is growing… but a sense of true belonging can’t be bought.  You don’t get it from Facebook or texting.  A sense of community is taught, nurtured and modeled.  And if teens don’t find a sense of belonging in their own family… they’ll start looking in all the wrong places!

I’ve worked with thousands of kids over the years and most of them are acting out of some kind of loss… or a need to belong that was unfulfilled.

Make your home a place where the entire family knows they have a place.  Give unconditional love and encouragement… making sure your teen doesn’t go elsewhere to find acceptance!

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Hey, mom and dad.  Are you holding a grudge against one of your kids?  Did your son or daughter mess up …and you’re still holding their mistake over their head?

No relationship can thrive without a spirit of grace and forgiveness.  As parents, we need to acknowledge the pain that comes when our kids fail to meet our expectations.  And we need to realize that withholding forgiveness builds a huge barrier between us …and those we otherwise love.

Do some inventory today.  Think about the ways you might be causing your child to pay for the pain they’ve caused.  How ‘bout burying the hatchet?  Don’t you think it’s time?  Let ‘em know that it’s over …and you love them unconditionally.

God did it for you.  Let’s do it for our kids!

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When it comes to taking drugs, most parents never envision their kid will drink booze, smoke pot …or take pills.

I’ve seen too many unsuspecting parents… moms and dads  convinced their teen’s not the type to try drugs… discover just the opposite.  Experimentation is no longer just something the bad kids do.  It’s everywhere.  So you need to know how to spot whether your child is using drugs.

Watch for a sudden and drastic changes in your teenager’s honesty, grades, behavior, attentiveness or friends.  And the substance abuse may start with things you have in your kitchen, medicine cabinet or garage.

Even if you have the best kids in the world… stay alert!  Keep your eyes wide open.  And don’t let your naiveté keep you from being the protective parent your child desperately needs.

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Have you ever experienced that knee-jerk reaction… when your child has done something goofy …unacceptable …and your first reaction is to pull away?  Sure you have.  I have, too.

We’re human.  And when someone hurts us… especially someone we love… it’s natural to clam up.  But avoiding the issues can have a disastrous impact.  In fact, we become the consequence for their actions… when we pull away.  That’s entirely unproductive.

Mom.  Dad.  Though it’s hard, decide right now that you’ll continue to move toward your child whenever they disappoint you.  Reinforce that there’s nothing they can do to make you love them less… and there’s nothing they can do to make you love them more.

Don’t pull away.  Draw them in.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

When a parent discovers that their son or daughter is inflicting physical self-harm, it’s alarming.  But most likely this behavior points to an even greater issue lying beneath the behavior.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston helps moms and dads get to the root of a teen’s cutting and self-harm.

Special Guest: Deedee Mayer

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When it comes to your teen’s behavior… how’s a mom or dad supposed to discern what’s normal … and what’s abnormal?

That may seem like a loaded question.  But let’s take a minute and separate the two.

It’s normal for teens to fail to do their chores without ten reminders… to put off homework… to get emotional and to listen to music that’s too loud.  It’s normal for them to question authority, even though it drives you crazy.

But abnormal behavior needs to be addressed.  It shows up as sudden and profound personality swings… extreme disrespect for people and things… eating disorders or self harm.

If your teen falls into the “abnormal” category… I’d encourage you to take action.  And it all begins by seeking professional help.

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When was the last time you asked your teenager a question?  I mean a really thoughtful question… then waited for the answer?

I’ve found that one of the most important tools in a parent’s toolbox doesn’t cost a thing.  It’s the effort to ask a question and then taking the time to listen for the answer.  When I coach parents in connecting with their teen, I give them three things to think about:

• First, ask relevant questions… don’t fake it.
• Second, let ‘em think about the answer… don’t supply it.
• And third, value their response… don’t correct it.

When you do… you’re communicating that you respect your son or daughter.  So, let me ask you again.  When was the last time you asked your teen a really thoughtful question?

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Men and women are very different creatures.  We see things differently, we respond to crisis differently… and we often parent differently.

After several decades working with families, I’ve seen a huge diversity in the approach moms and dads use …when it comes to dealing with their teens.  Moms tend to talk more… and want to fix everything in a single conversation.  Dads tend to avoid working through conflict… and don’t say enough.  Sound familiar?

Well, even though we wrestle with different issues in the home… there’s no substitute for the viewpoints we bring.  Use your distinctives as an asset.  Celebrate the unique relationship you both enjoy with your kids.

The best homes are those where moms are moms and dads are dads.

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The teen years always bring with them a measure of turbulence.  But as a parent, you need to discern when the bumps are a passing inconvenience… or a major warning sign.

When your son or daughter struggles for more freedom or makes mistakes that put you on edge… that’s entirely natural.  But if they’re causing harm to themselves or those around them, it’s time to get help.

So watch for signs such as marks on their body.  Or take a look at the interactions they’re having online.  When you come across dangerous behavior… don’t be afraid to call in the experts.

It may be a counselor.  Your pastor.  Or even the police.  But when your gut instincts are shooting off flares …don’t wait.  Get help.  Right away.

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What do you want your kids to be like in ten or fifteen years?  What qualities are you hoping they’ll acquire?  With that in mind… how should you train your child today… to reach that long- range goal?

As a mom or dad of a teenager, it’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day pressures of managing a family.  So …take a step back …and remember the goal.  Your target should be to raise a responsible adult… not necessarily a compliant teenager.

So when you’re in the heat of the battle …keep your eyes on the horizon.  A weak and docile teenager might simplify your life.  But becoming a responsible adult is far better.  And some days … it may get messy.

Hang in there.  Your hard work will deliver rich rewards!

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

The media, peers and the culture at large communicate to teens that experimenting sexually is natural and expected. So how can moms and dads uphold purity in the lives of their kids? Mark Gregston shares helpful ideas for teaching purity in a culture that doesn’t care, on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

Special Guest:  Tim Smith

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I hear from a lot of concerned parents who feel their teenage girls dress too seductively.  They wonder how to deal with the issue of modesty when young ladies are pressured to show off their physical attributes.

Teens today live in a world of sexual innuendo… where outward packaging and presentation is all important.  And if your teen jumps on the bandwagon, it doesn’t necessarily mean that her character is flawed.  It just means she’s following a fad… trying on a role during the stage of adolescence.

My advice to parents is this:  Don’t flip out when your daughter is just trying to fit in.  Rather, calmly and consistently address the more important issue of modesty.  Then, make sure she understands that your family values won’t be compromised.  No matter how cool the fad!

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It’s a topic many of us would rather dodge.  It can make both parents and children alike squirm.

I’m talking about our sexually- charged culture.  The temptations for inappropriate sexual expression and experimentation abound.  And though it’s easier to assume that your kids are making right choices… there’s no substitute for a healthy one- on- one conversation.

Mom.  Dad.  Your kids are getting bombarded by innuendo all day long.  Take some control and have the conversation!  Empower your kids to make wise choices by opening up the dialogue at home.  No subject should be off limits in the safety of their relationship with you.

How soon?  At what age to you broach the subject?  That’s a question you have to answer.  But I’ll tell you this.  It’s probably sooner than you think!

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Mom …dad …let me guess… if you have teens under your roof, I’ll venture to say that conflict is a regular part of your home.  Right?

Whether it comes in the form of intense debate … or even prolonged silence… there’s no getting around the natural tension in any family.  It’s just part of life.

So every parent needs to decide ahead of time …how will you respond when things get messy? A good intentional plan will help you keep your cool …and also help your kids learn to deal with inevitable conflicts that await them in the real world.

Make no mistake.  You don’t do your kids any favors by teaching them to run from disagreements.  When you disengage from conflict… the greatest agent of change has just left the building!

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If you have a teenager living in your household, you know what I mean by this one word:  drama.  Yep …drama comes with adolescence!

Remember the good ol’ days?  When you were a teen… you had lots of ups and downs.  Relationships, hormonal changes and general turmoil… it made for some volatile years!

Well, that roller coaster ride of yesteryear has only intensified today.

But as a parent, you can counteract those forces.  Choose to be consistent in your rules and boundaries.  Look for ways to ask relevant questions that don’t come across as judgmental.  And don’t be a “buddy” to your kid.  You’ll only add to the drama!

Instead, absorb the highs and lows of adolescence.  And be a stabilizing force in your home!

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Would you describe your home life as chaotic?  Perhaps a little confusing at times?

Let me ask another question.  Do you have clear boundaries in your home?  And if you do… does every member of the family know where the lines are drawn?

I’ve met a lot of moms and dads who want rules and boundaries enforced, but the kids aren’t clear about the expectations.  That simply leads to confusion and chaos.

Teens need boundaries explained to them.  And they need the consequences for crossing those boundaries laid out on a regular basis.  So here’s the equation I’d recommend for your home:  Add clear boundaries… and subtract the strictness.  Loosen up a little.

It’s a proven formula to drain the chaos from your home!

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Every year, more than one million teens run away from home in the United States.  Most return home within a few hours… but some never return, leaving parents heartbroken.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston talks about what to do when a teen runs away, then shares helpful insights for welcoming them back home again.

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Every day around the world… thousands of teens run away from home.  No two cases are the same… but all parents who’ve been abandoned feel a deep sense of pain and failure.

If you’ve ever had a child run away from home, you know the heartache that consumes you.  There’s nothing like the loneliness of a quiet household… and the unanswered phone calls.

Though I can’t bring your child home… I can encourage you with this:  the principles you’ve instilled in your teen have not been wasted.  The seeds you’ve sown in his life will come to fruition… just as the Bible promised.

Waiting for that return on investment… and the homecoming of your prodigal… will never be easy.  It’s your choice to wait patiently for the runaway… and cling to hope.

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I once heard my friend Jim Burns say … “listening is the language of love.”  I couldn’t agree more.

If you have a teen who’s struggling, it’s likely you’ve given him some advice… or even explained the right direction to go.  But if he’s like the teens I’ve met …he isn’t really paying attention to you.  Am I describing your son or daughter?

Mom.  Dad.  I know you have good intentions.  And you’re not trying to lecture.  But you need to figure out how to communicate your love in a different way.  Love your teen by listening!

It won’t be easy.  And you may hear some things you don’t like.  But by sitting down and opening your ears… you’ll say more to your son or daughter than you ever dreamed!

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I meet a lot of parents who wonder why their teen is so irresponsible.  Hey, teens will always act immature …because they’re still growin’ up.  But sometimes… mom and dad are getting’ in the way.

Are you an overly responsible parent?  Raising an irresponsible teen?  Mom …dad… when you do everything for your kid… it does nothing more than postpone his or her potential to grow up.  In fact, when you step in and protect them from the natural consequences to their behavior… you’re actually stifling creativity and limiting motivation!

So take a step back.  Let go of all the stuff you’re doing on their behalf.  Quit trying to rescue your teen from the hard knocks of life.  Who knows?  If you step out …they just might step up!

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Most of us have the luxury of walking away from tough situations or people who tick us off.  We can quit our job… or bail on a relationship.  But teens under our care don’t have the same freedom.

For the most part… teens are a captive audience.  At least when it comes to attending school and living under our roof.  When they get frustrated or angry… they’re forced to live with the person who caused the disruption.

For many teens, that means they’ll choose to fight.  Lash out.  When backed into a corner, they’ll attempt to inflict pain on their offender.

So next time your teen gets hot … try to give them grace.  It’s quite possible they feel stuck.  Don’t get sidetracked by their outbursts.  Help them work through the pain!

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Ever wonder if God’s truly working in your kids? Or … sometimes … does it feel like He’s overlooked you?

As we begin a new year… let me offer you a fresh perspective. Maybe God is answering your prayers right now. Yeah, it doesn’t feel like it… but the teen that’s spiraling out of control in your home… could be the tool God uses to grow your faith!

Perhaps the conflict you’re facing right now is the intentional lesson God designed specifically for you and your kids!

So …stop and think about the twelve months in front of you. Determine right now to watch for the answers to your prayers coming your way. Don’t lose heart! I promise… God’s working. God’s answering prayers… right in the midst of your struggle.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

It’s becoming more common that adult children return home to live with their parents.  While moms and dads desire to provide a safe haven… it’s important they establish a few boundaries as well!  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston offers a few guidelines for interacting with adult children in the home.

Special guest: Tim Smith.

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Closing one year and opening another… it’s the perfect time to think through your goals and desires for the family.

What do you want to change in your family in the coming year?  Do you need to rearrange your schedule in order to have a weekly one- on- one time with your teen?  Or maybe… it’s time to get some outside help for your family.

Take a moment today to think through the tangible steps you can take in the coming year… that’ll bring a positive influence to the family!  Then… I’d even challenge you to sit down with the kids and ask them what changes they’d like to make in the family dynamic.  You might be surprised at the answer!

Here’s your chance.  Be intentional.  Get a fresh start!

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I see it on parents’ faces all the time.  The stress and strain of dealing with a difficult child… who’s bent on self-destruction.  The pressure of dealing with an out- of- control kid lands squarely on mom, dad… and their marriage.

If you’re struggling with your teen, you know the situation has the potential to pull families apart.  Mom and dad, above all else, you need to protect your relationship!

Make a commitment today that you’ll do whatever you have to do to shelter… and re-ignite… the passion and respect in your marriage.  Look at family struggles as something you both need to manage together.  Stop the blame game.  Don’t avoid the pain.  And build in time to have fun!

Do what your kids… and your whole family… needs.  Keep your marriage strong!

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When your teen dishes out disrespect… or blatantly disobeys your rules… there’s conflict headed your way!

When we’re in the middle of a stand- off with a teen and the emotions are raging, it’s hard to keep your cool.  Yet, despite the turmoil, conflict can actually strengthen your relationship.  If… you handle it right.

Here are some rules to keep in mind for having a good healthy fight …

First, focus on the big picture.  This argument can serve a greater purpose …

Second, try to learn something about yourself… instead of just lecturing your kid … so listen carefully!

And third, keep the conversation two- way.  Don’t insist on having the last word.

Plan in advance to have healthy arguments… and you’ll be surprised how everyone wins.

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It happens to lots of parents today.  The kids grow up, graduate high school, go off to college.  Then… they return home to live!

Ah …the boomerang generation!  Older children… in their late teens or early twenties… who fly back into the nest.  So …how do you relate …once they’re back under your roof.

Well, the first thing is to adjust your approach.  They’re not little kids any more… and you don’t need to lecture them on what to do.

On the flip side… you need to stick to the boundaries that reflect your core beliefs.  And if a young adult crosses the line… hold your ground.

And finally… enjoy it!  Your child won’t always be nearby… and now’s your chance to deepen your friendship and enjoy the young adult you’ve raised!

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Ever had that awful moment… when you bark out a command at your kids… and realize you sound just like your parents?

No matter how much we vow to parent differently than our mom and dad… we tend to perpetuate their style.  But things are different these days.  The world has changed.  And parents… we need to change with the times.

You and I need to move from controlling… to coaching… without surrendering our core values.  We need to meet our kids at their level… and respect their individuality.

Parents who dig in their heels and don’t adjust… tend to push their teens away.

So shake off the negative habits of generational parenting.  It’s a new day.  Shake up the family tree… and adjust to meet the needs of your family!

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Christmas is a special time to refocus on what really matters.  And for parents, it’s a priceless opportunity to connect with our teens!  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston shares a hopeful perspective for the holiday.

Special guest:  Michael Card

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When parents struggle over the behavior of their teen… I encourage them to step back and take a look at the bigger picture.

No matter what’s going on in your home today… it’s not the whole story.  The whole story is what God is up to… His “bigger picture”… which involves plans, people and purposes beyond your imagination.

I know it’s hard to do… when you hurt for your child.  Your struggle isn’t any less important.  But use this difficult season to deepen your relationship with your child… instead of simply trying to “fix” their behavior.

Place it all in God’s hands.  He’s the one who promises to cause all things to work together for the good of those who love Him.  And that’s a pretty good “bigger picture”!

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There’s an enormous wave of disconnectedness sweeping across our culture… especially affecting our teens.  And the sense of not being connected is having a dramatic impact on relationships!

You’re probably thinking… Yeah, but my teen is connecting with people all the time!  I can’t get him to stop texting!   

Texting, tweeting, posting on Facebook… are actually hindering real connection… instead of promoting it.  It’s impersonal.  Erratic.  Alienating.  But …you and I can’t “fix” the culture… and we can’t force our kids to start connecting.

What you can do is take steps to ensure they have at least one meaningful relationship.  With you! 

Spend time together.  Face to face.  Share your own struggles.  Ask thoughtful questions.  They’re all good steps to connecting with your teen!

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The Christmas season is one of my favorite times of the year.  Most of us enjoy a break from the routine… and holiday traditions.  But for some… the extra time with the kids means tension at home.

If you’re facing a few weeks with your teen in the house… and the probability of family arguments every day… maybe it’s time to take a step back.  Press the pause button for a minute.

What are some ways you can change the dynamic of your home this holiday season?  Maybe you need to spend time with your teen one- on- one.  Maybe it’s the time to laugh as a family.  Or start a new tradition.

Whatever you decide… make this Christmas one of rest and relationship… instead of tension and turmoil.

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Often parents wonder if they should shield their teen from hearing about their own mistakes.  Because, of course, as moms and dads, we don’t want the kids to say, “Well, you did it, Dad.  So I can do it, too!”  

Honesty with your teen takes guts.  But teens need to hear that they’re not the only ones struggling.  They’re looking for honest authentic answers… emotionally, spiritually, physically and intellectually.

So, open up a little.  A parent’s gotta be prudent about what’s shared and when.  But the discussion about life- choices and mistakes is important!  It’s part of your child’s process of discovery and growth.

Are there mistakes in your past… that might help someone else make a better decision?

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Years ago, I met a high school boy who’d kept a secret about an inappropriate relationship with an older woman.  The personal shame and the pressure of keeping the secret drove him to give up everything he loved… and to hurt his closest relationships.

When the boy’s secret was finally exposed, his parents couldn’t believe he didn’t confide in them sooner.  He said, “You never asked.”

Mom …dad… there’s power in asking questions.  No matter what inappropriate behaviors your teen engages in… you can connect with your kids by asking insightful questions.  Then… wait for the answer!  Don’t try to fill in the awkward silence with more words.

You’ll be surprised how much you learn about your teen… because you ask… and because you listen.  

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

It’s natural for parents to want to instill in their children a value for spiritual things.  But when a teen rejects this training, it’s difficult to know what to do!  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston help parents think through their response when kids don’t want to go to church.

Special Guest: Chap Clark

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Conflict comes in many forms.  Sometimes it explodes in boiling bursts of anger.  Other times it comes over the house like a sheet of ice… sending a chill across your relationships.  So… what’s the temp in your household today?

I’d challenge you to take a positive view of conflict .  Whether it’s heated debate with your teens… or awkward silence… consider this …

If you’ve ever prayed to be the parent God has called you to be… that’s what He’s doing.  Right now.  The process may throw you off balance… but conflict with your kids may be refining your character in ways you never imagined.

So …no matter the temperature in your household …trust God to guide you… and help you make the most of His refining work in you!

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I once had a teenager tell me… “My parents held me to high standards… so they’d look good… not because it was good for me.”

It’s tragic that some parents place more value on looking good… at the cost of actually being good moms and dads.  And when that happens, the world may applaud them.  But let me warn you… your teen can sniff out a phony parent a mile away!  They know when you’re performing for the crowd… instead of investing in the family.

Hey, if you’re afraid your kids’ mistakes will be an embarrassment to your reputation… you should probably sit down and examine your motivations.

Let go of the pretense.  Let yourself be the imperfect… but authentic… parent your kids need!

If you’re a parent, trying to raise your kids in a godly home… you probably know this verse from Proverbs:  “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

That verse from Proverbs may strike a nerve for you… especially if your teen has made some bad decisions… and wandered from the faith.  But it wasn’t given as an indictment of parents and their effectiveness.

No.  It’s an encouragement for parents to be intentional about spiritual things.  Build godly principles and precepts into your kids’ lives… and God will be faithful to care for your kids.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

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Do you believe your family should go to church every Sunday?  Do you believe that you need to sit together in the service?

Questions every parent needs to answer.  The responses will reveal your level of commitment to lead your family in their journey towards God.

How about this…

Are you gonna make your kids attend youth group?  Or go on missions trips?  Would you allow your kids to attend a different church if that’s where their friends are?  Will you pray together as a family?

As I stir the pot on these issues, I hope you’ll take considerable time to think intentionally about the spiritual character of your family… and how you and your spouse can foster a strong and growing relationship with God.

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Teens are prone to test their parents in every possible way.  It’s part of their built- in and craving desire for independence!

Every kid is gonna try and push the envelope in some way.  So you, as a parent, need to be ready!  Establish a clear and undeniable standard for what’s expected in your home.  I call it a “Belief System for Discipline.”  It’s all about positive training and reinforcement of dearly held convictions.  And, of course, it includes consequences when rules are broken.

Having a belief system in your home let’s the whole family know about the “lines” that can’t be crossed.  It’s a tool you need when your teen starts testing the boundaries!

And some day, it’ll lead your teen to establish similar beliefs of his or her own!

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

When a teen is divided between two homes, there’s a lot of room for manipulation.  And when your “ex” won’t hold to the same rules, it takes extra work to provide consistent boundaries and consequences.  Mark Gregston offers helpful suggestions for co-parenting on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

Special guest: Tammy Daughtry

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What does your teen’s room look like right now?  Like a bomb hit it … right?

I often meet parents who are adamant about their teen having a tidy room and a perfectly made bed.  They demand a spotless household… while the relationships are in shambles.

Our homes are a reflection of who we really are… and our cleanliness standards reflect what we want for our kids.  So… yes… we want our teens to present themselves well.  But …a sterile home sometimes houses sterile relationships.

Do you need to make some priority adjustments today?  Maybe you could lighten up a bit …and quit riding your teen over his or her room.  It’ll create an atmosphere of rest for the whole family.  Even though your teen’s room is still a disaster!

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Sometimes parents assume the only way to be good parents is to be in control of their teens… and to stop ‘em from making mistakes.

If you’ve got a death grip on your child… or you swoop in to save them from a potential failure… get ahold of yourself!  Hey, a good parent actually gives away control to their growing child.  It’s the only way your teen will learn through the decisions he makes.

So… it’s time to quit doing everything for your teen.  Think of it as a well- deserved vacation!  You get to let go of some of the responsibility you’ve been carrying around… and let your teen take some of the weight.  Mom … dad … maybe it’s time to let go!

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How do you handle behavioral issues with your teen… when he splits his time between two homes?  Especially when the ex-wife or ex-husband hold completely different standards?

How are we supposed to be good parents… when it’s only a part- time job?

Well, for starters… be consistent with what you believe!  If you’re divorced and your teen moves between two households, understand that you can’t control your “ex.”  So stick with the rules… boundaries… and consequences that you believe to be right for your home.

Consistency will help you be the best mom or dad for your kid… whether you’re “full- time” or “part- time.”  And some day …your son or daughter will thank you for stickin’ to it …and providing the stability they desperately need.

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Respect.  It’s one of the most vital stones placed in the foundation of your home.  And without respect, no relationship will be able to withstand the storms life will surely bring.

Think about your home right now.  Is there a healthy sense of respect and esteem between family members?

Well, consider this.  When it comes to showing respect for others… your teen takes her cues from you!  So when you’ve had a particularly hard day at work… or you’re frustrated with the kids at home… don’t take it out on your spouse.  Find other ways to vent that don’t include wife- bashing …or husband- bashing!

When you love and respect your partner in marriage… you’re teaching your children to do the same!

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If your teen is struggling, you know the stress it brings inside a household.  In fact… you might be feeling the stress… right now.

For married parents who want to help their teen through a crisis, it’s critical to understand that the stress that comes with it… may land squarely on your marriage.  You may find that your relationship with your spouse is strained… tense… or even put in jeopardy!

So make it a habit to talk through it together.  See this crisis as something you must tackle together.  Present a united front.  Get outside help, if necessary.  And don’t blame each other for the stress in the family!

Remember, parenting is not a “his” or “her” job.  It’s an “us” job.  And together… you’ll get through it.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Rules prevent a teen’s poor choices from becoming destructive to themselves and to others.  But how do we implement and enforce these standards?  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston talks about practical consequences in the home.

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So …mom… dad …let me as you a question.  Does your teen seem sensible?  The response I get from most parents is … “Are you crazy?  Of course not!”

Hey …teens are wired for chaos.  And they spread it everywhere they go… including your home.  Our job as parents is to help our teenagers emerge as sensible… responsible… and mature adults.  The best way to help our teens move in that direction is to allow consequences to teach them when they make bad choices.

When your teen breaks a rule… and he will… show your deep love for him by refusing to let him off the hook.  It could be the best thing you’ll ever do to tame the chaos in your home!

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Sometimes a healthy pursuit can have unhealthy manifestations.  Like trying to belong and fit in.

When your teen seeks personal validation from peers… this isn’t inherently bad.  It may look like rebellion to you. It may lead to inappropriate behaviors.  And some strange choices in clothing and music at times.  But in reality, your teen is just a little off track.

So …how do you steer a kid that’s headed in the wrong direction?

Well, let your child’s choices teach him the truth.  If he looks like a dork, he sounds like an idiot, he acts like a jerk… eventually… he can’t continue in that direction without facing deeper trouble.

Let him face those consequences without rescuing him.  That’ll do more to change his future behavior than anything you can ever say.  Failure is an irreplaceable education for living in the real world!

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I work with troubled kids.  Teens who’ve lost their way.  And their parents often ask me what to do when their teen is arrested.

Well… I believe in allowing a child to own the consequences of his behavior.  I believe it’s best to not bail a kid out right away… especially if he truly deserved being arrested in the first place.

It’s a tough decision, but letting your child sit for a day or two in jail may be the lesson that’s needed.  And correction at a younger age is far better than imprisonment for a lifetime as an adult.

Think about it.  Jail time might just speak to your son or daughter louder than you ever could!  It’ll bring a sobering sense of reality to the choices… and consequences!

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When you have an older teen spinning out of control and not responding to your discipline… it may mean you have a very important choice before you.  You can let that teen stay at home and wreak havoc in the household.  Or… you can ask him to leave.

It’s a difficult decision.  But parents shouldn’t allow one out- of- control teen to destroy the good things going for the rest of the family.  Sometimes the best option for an older teen is to release them.  Let them go.

And as parents, we should pray for their growth and development in the world… in ways they weren’t grasping at home.

Scary.  Yes.  But sometimes a child won’t listen to our advice …until he gets to the end of himself.

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At Heartlight… our residential counseling center for troubled teens… one of my jobs is to repair the horse fences.  I need to ensure that the boundaries are strong.

These sensitive… and sometimes stubborn… creatures need to know where they can go, and where they can’t.  If a horse breaks any part of a fence, I fix it.  When they constantly push on the fence to the point it becomes weak… I reinforce it with stronger wood.

Well, personal boundaries are like good fences… they offer protection and help define what’s good.

Establishing …and constantly reinforcing… strong boundaries with your teen will insure that even if they push their limits, they won’t get lost, or tread into unknown and dangerous territory.

So mom … dad … keep buildin’ and protecting those fences!  Some day …your kids will thank you.

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Change is tough. And, usually, change creates all kinds of conflict.

God has called you, as a parent, to work toward better things for your family… even if that means instigating stuff that makes your kids uncomfortable. You’re standing for the good, honorable and necessary things that will make your home a better place to live in today… and years into the future. In fact… your decisions may even impact the family for generations!

So… let the conflict come. I’d even encourage you to embrace conflict. Bring it on! It’s a sign that real change is happening!

You have the power to point your family in the right direction. So, be encouraged, mom or dad… God’s working through you… even in the conflict!

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Matthew 6:27 says, Can any of you add a single hour to the span of your life by worrying?

Well, let’s be honest. No matter how hard we try …it’s really hard not to worry about your kids. Especially when they’re acting out in unacceptable ways. It’s scary to watch your child choose the wrong things, and struggle as a result.

But part of the reason God may allow your child to struggle through some things is to teach you to believe that He is in control. And that you can trust Him.

Here’s another verse for you. Jeremiah 17 says … Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord… for he will be like a tree planted by the water… and will not fear when the heat comes. Its leaves will be green and it will not be anxious in a year of drought.

Do you find yourself weary from worry? Relax. God can be trusted.

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Some years ago at the residential counseling center for troubled teens… called Heartlight… we helped a girl through some particularly tough issues.

After a lot of hard work and the unconditional love of her parents, she was able to move on to a new life with both joy and celebration. And just recently, I tearfully watched her say her wedding vows. The bride wore a ring on both hands… one that we gave her to represent victory in her personal life… and her new wedding band.

At a special moment, she said to me, “I wouldn’t have my wedding ring without first having the ring you gave me.”

It’s a reminder that a teen’s future isn’t cast in stone. It can be steered in the right direction no matter how off course it’s been in the past.

Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. Keep believing that your sons and daughters can turn emerge to be all God created them to be.

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The world our kids live in today is far different from the one you and I grew up in. As kids move into their teen years, they face unimaginable pressure to turn away from the values you’ve worked so hard to instill in their lives.

Raising kids in church, home school or a Christian school is no guarantee they’ll turn out as the godly, refined adult you’re hoping for. In fact… many parents wake up one morning to discover their teen has changed into a person they don’t even know.

Is that your experience? Doing everything “right” …only to find it didn’t work?

Teens today need moms and dads who’re constantly adjusting their parenting style to fit the times. If things aren’t working… don’t keep doing what you’ve always done!

Change it up!

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

On this special Thanksgiving edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston invites popular singer-songwriter country artists Joey and Rory for a conversation about family values.  Join us for a creative reminder about what we have to be thankful for, on Parenting Today’s Teens.

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I’ve met parents who post a list of rules on the fridge… and expect the kids to fall in line. But more often than not… that piece of paper does nothing more than annoy and embarrass the kids. And frankly …it doesn’t work.

In the teen years, nothing’s more important than developing relationships between parents and kids. Because rules without relationship causes rebellion.

So here’s what I suggest. Take time to get with your teen over breakfast or dinner or coffee. And do it every week. Regular, intentional time… where you’re lookin’ each other in the eyes and letting your teen talk. It’ll foster the atmosphere where healthy relationships can thrive.

Over time, you’ll find this weekly get- together will be a place to share your own stories. Your own faults. Even a place where your teen will talk about deeper concerns, life questions and dreams.

You’ll be surprised how rules take care of themselves …once there’s a relationship!

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A man struggling with terminal cancer once told me, “I try not to stand too long on the mountain, and I don’t sit too long in the valley. I live one day at a time and try to keep my attitude somewhere near the middle.”

In a situation that was totally out of his control… this man trusted God for one day at a time. And I’ll tell ya, he experienced a deep sense of peace… even in his darkest days!

Perhaps you’re in a situation where things are dark, as well. It may not be cancer… but the anger, disrespect and tension at home has worn you down.

My hope is that this quick word from a cancer patient… will be a reminder to you. Today, live just one day at a time. Stay near the middle. And know that in the midst of the chaos at home, God is still in control.

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When a teenager is causing problems in the family, he isn’t the only one in need! Moms and dads desperately need support, as well.

In the heat of relentless family conflict, most moms and dads become battered, worn down… or even devastated. In fact, a teen spiraling out of control can lead to the break up of an otherwise strong marriage.

I’ve known lots of parents who are dying on the inside… but are too embarrassed to reveal their weaknesses to others. If that’s you… get over it! You gotta talk to someone! Get coffee with a trusted friend and spill out your heart.

Or… if you know someone who’s struggling with a hurting teen … invite them over. Make it a safe place to talk about their stuff. You don’t have to become a counselor or therapist. In fact …don’t give advice… just listen.

Your simple gesture of kindness will bring immeasurable hope and strength to a friend in need.

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There’s no perfect formula for bringing a teenager to maturity. But… there are three ingredients that’ll give you a good head start!

First. Unconditional Love lets them know there’s nothing they can do to make you love them more, and nothing they can do to make you love them less.

Second. Grace gives them room to fail …and then encouragement to learn from their mistakes.

And third. Truth is the correcting influence that balances their actions with what’s right and wrong. Living out the truth also means that consequences come when they step over the line!

Love, grace and truth. Take those three… flood your home and relationships with them. It’s the foundation for raising healthy, godly and mature young adults.

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Teens do a lot of empty-headed communicating …especially by cell phone, IM, Facebook and text. In fact, it’s not unusual to see a group of teens sitting in the same room …sending text-messages to one another… instead of just having normal conversations!

Yeah …this new generation knows how to communicate, and they have every device imaginable to stay in touch. BUT they don’t always know how to make a personal connection. It’s not something they’ll learn …unless you make a point to teach them.

So open your home for an evening of food and fun, playing board games, creating something, or just talking. Challenge them to leave their cell phones in their pockets.

Look for ways to model for your teen the value of connecting with friends and family …without defaulting to their electronics.

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As teens and tweens face a difficult environment interacting with their peers, moms and dads have a unique opportunity to establish the home as a place of rest.  Mark Gregston offers helpful counsel about bringing peace to your home on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

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In order for parents to have a healthy relationship with their teen… it’s necessary to create a safe harbor where healthy relationships can develop. So… does your child sense your unconditional love?

Relationships thrive in an atmosphere of unqualified acceptance. That means… even when your child blows it big time, or doesn’t respond the way you’d like …you don’t threaten to abandon him. He knows, without question, that your love is forever.

Every teen has a secret longing to belong. He wants a relationship that helps him discover who he is… and who he’ll become. Your child realizes this sense of significance through relationships that will never end …first with you, here on earth, and with God for all of eternity.

So… are you creating space for healthy relationships? Make your home a safe harbor from the storms of life.

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Everyone has those moments when they don’t handle things well, and even the best parent loses it once in awhile. But if losing your cool has become the new normal… maybe it’s time to hit the pause button… and get some help.

Ephesians 6:4 says, Fathers, don’t provoke your children to wrath. When a parent provokes their teen to the point of exasperation… it’s like pouring gasoline on a smoldering fire. Furthermore, a parent’s verbal barbs inflict wounds that are deep. In fact, your angry outbursts may leave scars on your teen for years to come.

So here’s a challenge to you today. The next time something conflict occurs and you can feel your blood begin to boil …take a moment to gather yourself. And take this time- tested advice. It comes straight from the wisdom of Scripture: Don’t provoke your children to wrath.

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When was the last time you humbled yourself … and spoke those two giant words … I’m sorry?

I once witnessed an entire family break down and sob when the father asked each member to forgive him for the way he’d handled himself in their relationship. He extended the olive branch with intensity and emotion.

It was a humble, sincere apology, and a good step toward restoring his position with his children. Every heart in the room melted …and anger and resentment began to lift.

I challenge you to take the dad’s example. Do you need to admit responsibility for building walls in your family? For contributing to miscommunication? It’s time to start steering your home in the right direction, and fostering respect in those you love.

Your teen may seem like a fortress with high walls and a locked gate. Impenetrable. But seeking forgiveness may unlock the door to his or her heart. Just say those two powerful words … I’m sorry.

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There’s nothing more destructive to your relationship with your child than constant lecturing.

Whenever conflict occurs, if your knee-jerk reaction is to lecture, you’re communicating that you don’t think your teen can think for himself. And if you condemn him for his mistakes, you’re actually reinforcing that you don’t really respect him.

That’s not your intent …but it’s what your child is hearing.

So what can be done? Well, stop lecturing and start listening. In fact, start today! Right now, even. Try it for a day. Don’t flip out, argue or lecture. Button up your lips. Just let it go. It’ll take a lot of discipline on your part, but you may discover it’s just what your teen needs.

Then watch what happens. Before long …your teen will return the favor and start listening to you!

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Let me ask you a question. Are you content with whatever your teen wants to do with his or her life?

Teens often feel that they can’t live up to their parents’ expectations. In their mind, it’s just impossible… even if your hopes are totally reasonable.

So let me ask the question again. Will you be authentically content with whatever they tell you they want to do in life? After all your hard work to get them where you think they need to be, will you be happy if they decide to pursue something other than your personal preference?

It’s wise to begin talking about expectations …both from your perspective, and from your teen’s point of view. Develop a heart for your teen’s desires… even if it’s not what you’d prefer. It’s the key to keeping your relationship with your child authentic, growing and healthy.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

When kids act out of line, many parents are quick to discipline.  But families can benefit from digging a little deeper to uncover what’s really behind a teen’s actions.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston gives moms and dads tools for uncovering the true source of their teen’s behavior.

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Life has a way of dishing out trouble, doesn’t it? And if you’re dealing with a struggling teen in your home, I guarantee …your plate is full.

In Romans 8, we read… And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Sounds like a conflicting statement. Life dishes out trouble… and all things work together for good. Hmmm. How do we connect those dots?

Let me suggest to you that the pain of dealing with a teen spinning out of control… can lead to a new understanding of God’s sovereignty. In fact, I’m guessing that last night’s argument with your teen… or the tensions between the siblings… is exactly the thing that keeps you on your knees in prayer.

So, yeah …life dishes out trouble. But all things work together for those who love God. No matter what’s happening in your home… God promises that He’s working behind the scenes.

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Families call me all the time and say, “We need help! What do we do to fix our kid?”

You know what my answer is? Well, there’s very little we can do to fix our kid. You gotta turn that notion around. What we’ve got to focus on is fixing ourselves. In the process… we’re allowing God to do something with our child way beyond our own resources.

So let’s make this practical. Is there something in your family you’d like to be different? Maybe a kid that’s disrespecting others or blowin’ off your rules. The problem’s so obvious. And, of course, should result in consequences.

But what’s not quite as obvious… is what God is trying to teach us. Could it be you’ve become part of the problem… instead of part of the solution? Quit trying to “fix” your kid. And you’re your family’s transformation begin with you!

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Pain is predictable. You don’t have to guess. Guaranteed. It’s coming. Because… anytime you confront foolish thinking, when two value systems clash, or have a contest of opinions and ideas… it’s painful.

Moms and dads …if you have teens or pre-teens, you know what I’m talkin’ about. Anytime your kid lashes out… pain is just around the corner. When your authority needs to be re-established, when wrong motives and desires are exposed, or when your teen is confronted, limited, or restricted… hey …it’s painful.

But don’t let pain’s predictability keep you from doing your job. Effective parenting doesn’t mean you need to make everyone feel better …or keep everyone happy. In fact, conflict may be the bold blinking neon sign that God’s healing work has begun in your family!

So, when pain shows up in your home, don’t run from it. Use it.

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Dealing with a teen whose behavior is inappropriate… and whose life is spinning out of control… takes a parent who’s focused. I mean …focused like a laser.

Your teen will try and distract you by acting out. But don’t be fooled… there’s something else going on beneath the surface. As a mom or dad, it’s your job to look beyond the behavior… to the source of rebellion.

Perhaps your child is grieving the loss of a relationship or dream. Or maybe the pain of loneliness at school is manifesting itself in smoking or taking drugs. What’s happening on the outside… can give us clues to the real pain on the inside.

So, as much as your teen’s behavior is rockin’ your world… take time to carefully study what’s really goin’ on. Try to find the true cause of pain and rebellion. Once you identify the source …the healing can begin.

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I know what scripture says about sin, but I believe it is also a sin to turn our back on a wayward adult child.

God has called us to be a part of our children’s lives even if they’ve chosen a sinful lifestyle in their adult years. We’re not to be their judge and jury, and we don’t have to like or approve of their sinful state, but we do need to love them.

Our hope is found in Philippians 1:6, which says “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.”

God is not finished with your child, and He will often do His work through us parents. So the challenge is to make sure we don’t get in His way with our own attitudes.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

It’s likely you can remember a time when you lied to your parents as a teen.  We’ve all been guilty of this offense at one time or another.  But when parents recognize patterns of dishonesty in their teens, it’s time to do something about it!  Mark Gregston talks about the real attitude behind lying on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

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Some parents feed their teen’s selfishness into adult years by continuing to do everything for them.

Age 15 is the time to begin aggressively helping your teen get over a selfish mindset.  Instead of being served by mom and dad, older teens need to begin doing things for themselves.

Romans 12:3 says, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought.” And this is the right principle to teach to your teen at this age.

So put on the brakes!  Stop doing everything for your them, like doing their laundry, waking them up, finishing their chores, or paying for their every need.  Quit jumping every time your teen says “frog.”  You need to stop, so that your teen can start learning to take responsibility for himself.

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I talk a lot about parents giving up some control to their teenager, but there is one situation where control needs to be taken back by the parent.

For the family dealing with a teen who is addicted to drugs or alcohol, the parent must intervene and retake decisive control.

An old Jewish proverb says, “Don’t meet troubles half-way.” Give it all your attention now, or it could take more than you can give later. And you’ll be powerless when they become an adult.  So take whatever measures are necessary to ensure your teenager’s safety, and do it now.

It is up to you to create a solution, such as counseling or substance abuse treatment. And you, too, will need to surround yourself with good counsel and a group of godly friends who are willing to pray with you and encourage you.

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Teenagers don’t become responsible or learn to think more maturely by accident.

Teens learn from being in situations where responsibility and maturity is expected and modeled. That’s why I highly recommend to parents that they get their child into a part-time job throughout the teen years, and particularly one that is service-oriented.

Outside of what mom and dad are expecting of them, nothing can teach a teenager about life and making a livelihood than a job can, whether they need the money or not.

The right job for just a few hours each week can be a perfect training ground for a teenager, teaching people-skills, money-management, time-management, and even helping the teenager determine what she does or doesn’t want to do after high school.

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Nagging is just about the worst thing you can do in trying to help an older teen get motivated.

Instead of nagging, let them learn to take more responsibility by living with the consequences of not being responsible. Your child will learn more from missing his appointments, paying overdraft charges, or waving goodbye as their friends head off to college than anything you could ever say to them.

Missing a semester of school because the paperwork wasn’t turned in, or losing a job because he didn’t get up on time can teach a teen that they are responsible for what goes on in their life.  So stay out of it and don’t nag.  Such setbacks will help your teen ultimately become more responsible.

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Have you helped you teen go through the process of making a making a good decision?

Discernment is the ability to evaluate the circumstances and make a right choice based on the facts at hand.  Secretly, most teens want their parents’ help in making wise decisions, but they’ll not likely ask for it.

So, begin early helping your teen make wise choices by asking them good questions.  Listen but do not judge as they walk through their reasoning.  Then, participate in a follow-up after they have made a decision, to help them think about it afterwards. Ask them, ”Was it really the experience you thought it would be? “

Empowering your child to make wise decisions comes down to developing their ability to discern right from wrong and weigh their options. 

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Teens these days experience a different world than the ones their parents faced.  With earlier exposure to sexual activity, kids are getting older at a younger age.  Mark Gregston helps moms and dads recognize the signs of trouble and prevent early sexual experimentation on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

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Parenting teens can be thought of in terms of giving something up in order to gain something better.

I often tell parents , if you want your child to change, you have to let go of some things, and you have to be willing to change too.

So let me ask you, what are you ready to give up in order for change to take place?  Are you willing to allow your teen to make decisions, and therefore make mistakes?  Will you establish consequences in advance, so emotions can be taken out of enforcing them?

It’s hard to see a teen do something stupid, but stupidity’s cure isn’t more lecturing or anger from you, it’s living with the consequences.  So, line out your teen’s options, define the consequences, and then let them choose

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Having disagreement and difficulty with a teen is like throwing wheat on a threshing floor –- you toss it up into the air;  the healthy seeds land, and the chaff gets blown away by the wind.

Parents can make a common mistake when conflict shows itself; they can over-focus and micro-manage every difference of opinion as if it were a mountain, instead of a mole-hill. And they can take the disagreement personally, when it really isn’t.

There are times in raising teens when you just have to decide to let go of the smaller issues in order to focus on other more important ones. A wise parent will hold the reins on what really matters, but give a teen some slack about things not quite so important.

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In our counseling here at Heartlight, the most often wished-for thing by teenage girls is this, “I want more time with my dad.”

Dads are heroes when their girls are little.  But during the teen years, dad’s can move from hero status to feeling more like a big zero.

Dad, remember this, you can never spend enough time with your teen.  They want time together, even when they act like they don’t.  Make the effort to demand a weekly outing, so they know that they are worth spending time with.

They may not say it right now, but they will always remember you as the their unsung hero, the one who was there for them –- even when they were at their worst.

SCRIPT:

The teens that I’m closest to are the ones that I have fought with the most, and I mean that sincerely.  Conflict, when handled properly, does that.

Teens need to know they have a relationship with their parents that loves them through the conflicts, while at the same time showing them the true character of God.

I believe that relationships that stick together through conflict become closer. In fact, the teens I remember the most fondly are the ones that made me to want to pull my hair out.

When a family goes through conflict, it’s easy to feel as if everything is about to fall apart.  But perhaps a better way to view conflict is this… it’s an opportunity to pull your family together, like never before.

SCRIPT:

As you enter conflicts with your teenager, be clear about what you will or won’t support and ask them what they will or won’t support themselves.

Conflict with your teen can be used in a healthy way to discuss their own limits.  This may be the only time they think about their limits, before they are caught off guard with such situations away from you.  If they know or have thought through their answers in advance, they will more likely make better choices.

So, be clear on your limits, and make a habit of helping your teen clarify their own limits.  If you’ve taught them right from wrong when they were young, they’ll base their own limits on your teaching, not on what their culture tells them.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

From the day they’re born, a child brings lots of surprises. And when it comes to parenting teens, moms and dads will face circumstances they never imagined. Mark talks about God’s sovereign plan, and shares helpful tips to embrace what’s before you. Special Guest: Dr. Larry Crabb

SCRIPT:

When disrespectful conflict emerges in your relationship with your teen, it’s time to make sure everyone understands the rules for fighting fairly.

An important message for a teen who made a habit of disrespectful arguing is this: ‘Honey, we love you, and that will never change, but we’re not going to allow you to talk that way to us anymore. We understand your need to argue your point, but there is a better way to argue. So from now on, disrespectful words or actions will only serve to get you the opposite of what you wanted, and consequences to boot.”

Respect is extremely important to your ability to communicate and maintain a relationship with your teen, so make the consequences for disrespect cause them to think twice before they speak.

SCRIPT:

Has your once well-adjusted child suddenly become an out of control teenager?

A drastic shift in your teen’s attitude is often a sign of substance or alcohol abuse, and that may be triggered by the teen’s attempts to cover up deeper personal issues.  Unexplained, sustained aggression, angry defiance, declining grades, and an uncaring attitude are all red flags that something has changed in your teen’s life.

So when your teen’s attitude takes a nose dive, it’s important to unravel the mystery surrounding this behavior.  Substance abuse can be a symptom and even a cause of poor behavior, but it’s usually not the root cause.  A good counselor can help unravel the deeper issues and set your teen on a better path.

SCRIPT:

When a parent called to say his son had been arrested, I encouraged him not to cancel his week-long business trip to bail out his teen.

If your teenager has been openly dabbling with illegal activity, and gets arrested, you may not want to run to bail them out.

A guilty teen learns invaluable lessons from spending time in a jail cell when he’s done something he knows is wrong. On the other hand, if he knows the parent will fix it every time, he’ll never learn, and end up in jail again and again.

A few days in a lock-up is usually very safe for a teenager, and it can be the catalyst for a change of heart, giving them time to process their unwise choices and see firsthand the consequences that society exacts to wrong-doing.

SCRIPT:

“What’s happening to my teen?” is a question I’ve been asked by parents so often — I decided to name one of my books by it!

Many parents rightly fear that no matter how well they do their job in parenting, their child might still struggle during their teen years. It’s true! There are no guarantees in parenting, and contrary to what each of us would hope — there are no special methods or equations that will guarantee a child’s successful transition to adulthood.

A  far better measure of good parenting is the way in which a parent responds to the struggle -– with sustaining faith, grace and perseverance.  So instead of seeking quick fixes, a wise parent will view the teenage years as a God-sent moment of opportunity to consult Him and trust Him more.

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